First Impressions and Body Language: What Works, and What's a Myth

This is the last part of our series on Allan Pease's Questions Are the Answer. Part 1 covered the law of averages and the five golden questions. Part 2 covered six ways to get people talking. Now the final two chapters: how to make a good first impression, and how to read what people's bodies are saying.

This part is fun — and it's also where popular "facts" go most wrong. So we'll do both: the useful ideas, and a quick reality check. There's a quiz at the end. See how many you get right.

You have seconds, not minutes

Pease says people form most of their opinion about you in the first four minutes, making dozens of snap judgments: your age, income, education, friendliness, even how trustworthy you are.

Science says it's even faster. In a 2006 Princeton study, people judged how trustworthy a face looked after seeing it for just one tenth of a second. Giving them more time mostly made them more sure of the same judgment.

The good news: four things are in your control — your handshake, your smile, your clothes, and the space you give people. Here are Pease's six techniques.

1. The power of the palm

Imagine asking someone to move to another seat. Same words, same voice, same face. Only your hand changes. Tap each one:

Pease tested this with audiences: speakers who used palm-down and pointing gestures were seen as more aggressive, and listeners remembered less of what they said — they were too busy judging the speaker. If you're a pointer, try this: touch your thumb to your index finger (like holding a coin) when you want to stress a point. It feels firm without feeling like a stick.

2. The handshake

A handshake can send one of three messages:

• Dominance — your palm turned down, on top. The other person thinks: "Careful, he wants control."
• Submission — your palm turned up, underneath. They think: "I can push this person around."
• Equality — both palms straight up and down. They think: "I like this person. We'll get on."

Pease's two rules for equality: keep your palm vertical, and match the pressure the other person uses. Meeting ten people? That's ten small adjustments.

3. Hold things in your left hand

A tiny trick most people never think about. You shake hands, open doors and pull out chairs with your right hand. So keep your folder, phone, bag or drink in your left. Otherwise you'll either fumble — or give a new contact a cold, wet handshake from your glass. First impression: cold and wet.

4. The smile

Humans are the only animals that show their teeth without meaning to bite. Pease says the more you smile, the closer people want to stand, and the longer they want to stay. A smile says: "I'm not a threat."

5. Respect personal space

Everyone carries an invisible bubble. Anthropologist Edward Hall measured "personal distance" for many English-speaking middle-class people at about 46 cm to 1.2 m — which is why strangers often stand about a metre apart. In parts of southern Europe, South America and the Middle East, comfortable distances can be shorter.

So when someone from London meets someone from Rome, one may feel crowded and the other may feel pushed away. Pease's rule is simple: if someone steps back when you step closer, stay where you are. They've just told you where their comfort line is.

6. Dress for them, not for you

Clothes cover most of your body, so they shout before you speak. Pease doesn't give a style guide. He gives one question: "What would my customer expect a trustworthy, successful person to wear here?" A suit may be perfect at a bank and odd at a building site. Look at the best-respected people in your field and your area — and dress one small step above your audience, not ten.

Chapter 5: Reading body language

Pease gives three rules. They're the most important part of the whole chapter:

1. Read clusters, not single signals. A head scratch could mean dandruff, sweat, forgetting, doubt — anything. Look for at least three signals together.
2. Consider the setting. Arms crossed, chin down at a bus stop in winter? Probably cold. Same pose across the table while you pitch? Maybe defensive.
3. Keep culture in mind. The "OK" ring sign means "good" in many countries, "zero" in France, "money" in Japan — and it's rude in some places, like Brazil or Turkey.

His tip for practice: spend 15 minutes a day people-watching — at stations, airports, cafés. Or watch TV with the sound off, guess what's happening, then turn the sound on and check.

Signals to watch for

Notice what Pease suggests you do with most signals: ask a question. That's the best advice in the chapter. A signal isn't an answer. It's a reason to ask.

Three famous "facts" to stop repeating

The body language quiz

Six questions. Tap an answer to see if you're right.

Put it all together

That's the whole book in three parts: see more people (part 1), ask and listen (part 2), make people comfortable and read them kindly (part 3). None of it is magic. All of it is practice. Pease ends with a line worth keeping: nobody is born a great networker — people become one by learning, one conversation at a time.

Start today with one thing: shake the next hand you shake with a straight palm and matching pressure — and smile first.

Questions people ask