6 Ways to Make People Talk (and Really Listen to You)

In part 1 we saw Allan Pease's big idea: if you say it, people argue; if they say it, they believe it. So the goal is to get people talking. That sounds easy until you try it — and get one-word answers.

Chapter 3 of Questions Are the Answer fixes that with six simple techniques. They work in sales, but also in job interviews, with your boss, with your teenager, and on the phone with your bank. Here they are, with the research that backs some of them — and a couple of honest warnings.

1. Build a bridge, not an interview

Raj meets Ajay, who works for a computer company. Raj wants to build rapport. Tap the two versions and feel the difference.

A bridge is a tiny phrase that hands the conversation back to the other person without asking a brand-new question:

Pease adds four body tips that make bridges work even better:

1. Lean forward with your palms open as you say the bridge — it signals "your turn".
2. Let your voice rise on the last word, so it sounds like a question.
3. Lean back and go quiet. The silence feels awkward. Let it. You've handed them the talking.
4. Rest a hand on your chin as you lean back — the universal "I'm listening" pose.

2. The head nod

Pease explains that the nod probably comes from bowing — lowering the head to show you're not a threat. In most places, it means yes. Two things make it powerful:

• It works from the inside out. We nod when we agree — but nodding on purpose can also make us feel more agreeable.
• It's contagious. When you nod while you talk, the listener tends to start nodding too.

His listening tip: when the other person is speaking, nod slowly in groups of three, and lightly stroke your chin. It tells them "keep going" — and they usually talk longer.

3. Tiny encouragers

While someone talks, drop in small sounds that say "I'm here, go on" — without taking the stage:

Combine them with bridges and nods, and Pease says they become your strongest tools. People share far more than they planned to — because you've made it easy.

4. Guide the eyes

Pease quotes a figure that most of what we take in during a face-to-face meeting comes through the eyes — around 87% — with only about 9% through the ears. We couldn't find the original study behind those exact numbers, so treat them as a rough idea, not science. But the point is easy to test: if someone is looking at your face while you point to a chart, they miss the chart. If they're staring at the paper while you make your key point, they miss the point.

His trick uses a pen:

• To make them look at the page: point to it with the pen.
• To make them look at you: lift the pen and hold it between your eyes and theirs. Their eyes follow it up, then land on yours. Now say the important thing.

Try it on a friend tonight. It works almost every time.

5. Mirroring

Watch two good friends talking at a party: same stance, glasses in the same hand, one shifts weight and the other follows. When people feel in tune, their bodies copy each other without thinking. Couples who've lived together for years even start to look alike in how they move.

Pease's idea: when you meet someone new, gently match their posture, gestures and tone. They'll feel you're "like them" — without knowing why.

Two rules to keep it natural:

1. Wait. Pease says it's often wise to wait a few minutes before mirroring someone you've just met.
2. Keep it slight. A delayed, softer version of their posture — not a copy of every move. Obvious copying feels creepy and breaks trust.

Pease also says men and women tend to show feeling differently: many women react with lots of facial expressions while listening, while many men keep a straighter face and show feeling more through the body. That's a general pattern, not a rule about any one person — so mirror the person in front of you, not a stereotype. And his warning is worth keeping: don't mirror the feeling you think they have. If you guess wrong, it backfires.

6. Pacing: never talk faster than them

When people are in tune, even their voices line up — speed, tone and rhythm, like two people singing the same song. Pease's rule is short: speak at the same speed as the other person, or a little slower. Never faster. Many people feel pushed when someone talks faster than they do.

This matters most on the phone, where your voice is all they have. How fast do you speak? Test it now.

An honest word before you use these

Every one of these six can be used two ways. Used to listen better, they make people feel heard — and that's rare and valuable. Used to get a yes someone wouldn't otherwise give, they become tricks. People feel that eventually, and trust doesn't come back.

Your 3-day practice plan

1. Day 1 — bridges only. In every conversation, use "Meaning…?" or "For example…?" at least twice. Notice how much longer people talk.
2. Day 2 — nods and encouragers. Nod slowly while others speak, and say "Really?" or "Tell me more." Say less than usual.
3. Day 3 — pacing. On every phone call, match the other person's speed. If you're a fast talker, slow down by a third.

Then combine them with the 5 golden questions from part 1, and track your results with the Law of Averages Calculator.

Questions people ask